Meditation on Emotions

I woke up feeling very anxious this morning.

So I sat with it. I meditated on the feeling (with the help of Joseph Goldstein).

What I realized as I paid attention to my tight chest was that

I was afraid.

What I realized when I focused on my fear was that

I was afraid of not being perfect.

Of not being perfectly loving and tolerant.

Of not holding the line perfectly with people who crossed that line.

Of not knowing what to do in the face of meanness or aggression or deep, demanding need.

Of not doing the perfectly right thing.

Of not being the perfect practitioner of what I preach.

Of not being able to deliver on

my own grandiosity.

What a relief.

Mantra: Meditate on those emotions. Wonders await.