Assume Good Intentions

NOT!

Radical? Heartless? Nah.

I mean, good intentions are lovely. And maybe the vast majority of human beings have them the vast majority of the time. But what about those human beings who occasionally do not have good intentions?

Should your assumption of good intentions let them off the hook? Or should you call them out? (Or call them in, as Loretta Ross brilliantly suggests?)

My answer? Call them in! Engage!

And what about those human beings who think they’re acting on good intentions but actually harbor bad intentions unconsciously? This is, I think, true for most white people who declare they are not racist but nonetheless take racist missteps all the time. Do conscious good intentions trump unconscious bad intentions?

My answer? No. NO!

And why are we talking about intentions anyway? And why distract ourselves with the question of whether they’re good or bad?

Why not focus on the data?

Data. Like answers to the questions

• What happened?

• What was that like for you?

• What was it like for me?

Data that leads to helpful emotion work. That leads to corrective action (that is, answers to the question “How can we do it better next time?”). That helps people learn. And embrace mistakes as AFGOs. Which are great gifts if you choose to see them that way.

To be clear, I’m not suggesting we should always assume bad intentions. That’s just replacing one blanket approach with another.

No, what I suggest is

don’t assume in the first place.

Rather, notice. And stay curious. And ask questions. And be brave. And connect.

Assuming good intentions — and, for that matter, assuming bad intentions — is a great way to avoid mobilizing the incredible power of relationships to heal.