Snollygoster

“A clever, shrewd, unscrupulous person.” That’s a snollygoster.

But this post isn’t about such people.

I just like the word!

Well, maybe this post is about such people. In this post I’m thinking about how to deal with snollygosters, or more broadly people who impinge on us in negative ways. Who shock us and make us miserable. Because I’ve been hearing a lot about such people lately from the educators I work with.

Of course, my go-to whenever a teacher is feeling misery or hurt or shame is to do emotion work. I help teachers do that work. But what if a teacher wants to do it on their own?

The important first step is

making the turn.

Making the turn is what you do when you begin to meditate. It’s what you do to make the flip, to do the “first trick.” It’s simple, right? You just turn your attention inward.

Well, not totally.

According to the authors of On Becoming Aware (with the wondrous subtitle “A Pragmatics of Experiencing”), there’s way more to making the turn (their term, by the way) than simply closing your eyes and scanning your body (which is also a great thing to do). It’s a discipline that runs counter to the “natural attitude,” which is the assumption that what you perceive is automatically true.

It’s not. At best, what you perceive is partially true. Because your reality reflects just one angle of perception. (Yours.)

So while your reality seems true to you (and you can’t actually be sure unless you make the turn, cuz there might be more down there), it quite likely is not at all true for me.

In other words:

My reality is mine.

Your reality is yours.

Both realities are “true.”

The trick is to make room for both. (Or all. Remember the Nth.) Because neither captures the whole story.

If you can stay in your own garden, you can separate out what’s yours, which you must own, from what’s theirs, which deserves your curiosity and interest.

Even if “they” is a snollygoster.

When someone acts out on you, when someone shocks you or makes you miserable, they are quite likely teaching you something important about them. What it feels like to be in their body. How they see the world. What kind of object they have turned you into for what (possible) purpose(s).

All super useful information

if you must engage in relationship with this person. If you are interested in taking corrective action. Or if you simply want to survive their cruelty or oblivious ruthlessness.

I’m not saying this is easy. I am saying it is essential if we want our relationships to be

transformative.

Mantra: Look under all that snollygost for the lessons it’s teaching.