Protection

Ugh. This is one of my

pet peeves:

protecting people from reality.

I think filling the void is a form of inappropriate protection. If I insist on filling voids for people, I seem to be protecting them from the struggle of

  • shame

  • doing what they don’t want to do

  • facing the (possibly discouraging) facts about their skills or abilities

  • changing (learning)

  • becoming competent

  • engaging with others

  • taking care of themselves

  • learning to manage trauma or dissonance or unpleasantness

  • feeling my disappointment, anger, or frustration

  • feeling their disappointment, anger, or frustration

  • engaging with new or offensive ideas

  • showing up and speaking out

  • taking responsibility

Maybe more importantly, filling voids protects me from

  • shame

  • feeling incompetent and helpless

  • feeling as though I’m out of control

  • dealing with other people as separate from me

  • accepting limits, my own and others’

  • saying, “NO”

  • feeling guilty about saying, “NO”

  • my expectation of nasty pushback when I say, “NO”

  • the realization that some people do not respect or care about my rights or needs

  • accusations of insensitivity

  • wrestling with the truth about my negative, even if inadvertent, impacts on people

Avoiding conflict is a great way to enact wholesale protection. Engaging thoughtfully is the antidote. Isn’t that what education is all about: engaging thoughtfully? Isn’t that what teaching should be about: modeling and sponsoring thoughtful engagement with people and with ideas? And learning: How do we assure students that

pushing through discomfort

is a sure-fire way to grow?

I might even suggest that

Where protection is, there must emotion work be done.

Betsy BurrisComment