Protection
Ugh. This is one of my
pet peeves:
protecting people from reality.
I think filling the void is a form of inappropriate protection. If I insist on filling voids for people, I seem to be protecting them from the struggle of
shame
doing what they don’t want to do
facing the (possibly discouraging) facts about their skills or abilities
changing (learning)
becoming competent
engaging with others
taking care of themselves
learning to manage trauma or dissonance or unpleasantness
feeling my disappointment, anger, or frustration
feeling their disappointment, anger, or frustration
engaging with new or offensive ideas
showing up and speaking out
taking responsibility
Maybe more importantly, filling voids protects me from
shame
feeling incompetent and helpless
feeling as though I’m out of control
dealing with other people as separate from me
accepting limits, my own and others’
saying, “NO”
feeling guilty about saying, “NO”
my expectation of nasty pushback when I say, “NO”
the realization that some people do not respect or care about my rights or needs
accusations of insensitivity
wrestling with the truth about my negative, even if inadvertent, impacts on people
Avoiding conflict is a great way to enact wholesale protection. Engaging thoughtfully is the antidote. Isn’t that what education is all about: engaging thoughtfully? Isn’t that what teaching should be about: modeling and sponsoring thoughtful engagement with people and with ideas? And learning: How do we assure students that
pushing through discomfort
is a sure-fire way to grow?
I might even suggest that