Resentment #1

I am a resentment queen. I have lived with resentment my entire life. And, because I find my resentment intensely alienating, I have worked hard to understand and counteract it.

Here is one take on resentment (a second one is coming next week):

Resentment can be a sign that something is

way out of balance.

Specifically, when I feel resentful, it’s often because I’m doing more than I should be doing and someone else is doing less than (I think) they should be doing. That is, I regularly feel resentment when I’m busy filling voids.

When I feel resentment, I ask myself: What am I doing? Why am I doing it? What am I willing to not do? What would it mean to me if I didn’t do it?

And: What help do I need? How can I ask for that help? How will I adjust to whatever answer(s) I get?

And: Is there someone else who could or should step up to do what I’m doing (or part of what I’m doing)? Why aren’t they stepping up? How can I ask them to step up? Why haven’t I asked them to step up before this?

One of the hardest lessons I have learned about resentment is that

I am my own greatest obstacle

to dissolving it. Because my urge to fill voids, which can feel like a visceral need, is so hard to resist. So even if I’m willing to ask myself the above questions, it can still be difficult to implement the answers.

If you are like me, be patient with yourself. Observe your resentment and your reactions to the steps you can take to dissolve it. Don’t give up. Resentment is corrosive but deeply informative. And it is well worth overcoming.