Sit With It

I’ve been getting back into meditation lately, following a simple and convenient app called Ten Percent Happier.

One of the recommendations offered by my current meditation guide, Joseph Goldstein, is to notice the

discomfort

I feel while I’m meditating. And just sit with it.

“Turn into it and open to it,” Goldstein says. “It’s OK to feel discomfort.”

Really? Just sit with an endless ache in my back? With a sharp tickle in my nose? That I could easily fix by shifting in my seat or scratching?

Yup. Because, at least when you’re meditating, it’s interesting to watch that discomfort morph and go away.

And because, in my mind, sitting with it is a

crucial discipline

in relationships as well.

You know when you’re

• feeling attacked?

• feeling angry?

• feeling triggered?

• feeling impatient?

• feeling concerned?

• feeling critical?

• feeling hyper-responsible?

Don’t act (unless you’re unsafe, in which case get out of there). If you’re safe and engaged in a relationship you care about, and you feel uncomfortable, just sit with it.

It might change.

It might become an object of your attention — like “This is such an interesting reaction I’m having. What’s it all about?”

It might help you make a good guess.

At the very least, it will help you practice detaching. Which is crucial to doing the emotion work necessary to keep your relationships — with students, teachers, parents, family members — attuned.

Mantra: Just sit with it for a minute.