The No Blame Frame

• One colleague criticizes and intimidates another colleague.

• A student yells, “Fuck you!” in a teacher’s face.

• A mother emails her son’s teachers daily about her worries about her anxious son.

How does a person even begin to start dealing with these dilemmas?

 With the No Blame Frame.

Of course, most of us start dealing with others’ bad behavior by playing the Blame Game.

• “I can’t stand my colleague because he’s so critical and domineering.” (Blame the colleague.)

• “That student needs to be removed from my class!” (Blame the student.)

• “That mother is enabling her son’s anxiety.” (Blame the mother.)

The thing about the Blame Game is that, well, it ends the game. There’s nowhere else for the players to go. I’m pristine. You’re the problem. Done.

The thing about the No Blame Frame is that it embraces others’ realities.

• “I can’t stand my colleague because he’s so critical and domineering.” “Yes, and that colleague might very well be intimidated by and envious of you.”

• “That student needs to be removed from my class!” “Yes, and that student is probably angry that you are not seeing her clearly when what she needs is to be seen clearly. By you.”

• “That mother is enabling her son’s anxiety.” “Yes, and that mother is most likely suffused with anxiety about her son.”

The No Blame Frame does not deny reality. It opens reality up. And invites you to play with the possibilities.