Having To

I am allergic to having to.

When I know I have to do something — like go to a meeting or vacuum the upstairs or attend an elementary school band concert — I get pissy. I resent being robbed of my precious autonomy.

My wanting to.

I don’t know how many people are like me. I spoke with someone the other day who prefers having to do things. Having to helps her feel in control and effectual.

I’m guessing there are teachers who love having to and teachers who hate having to. Or maybe we can call the teachers who love having to teachers who want to.

Anyway.

My point is this: What does it take to move ourselves from having to (or not wanting to) to wanting to?

Just to be clear: My allergy to having to does not mean I don’t do what I have to do. I totally do do what I have to do. And, weirdly, I usually enjoy it once I’ve gotten started. My concern here is my attitude. The suffering my negative attitude can cause me.

I worry that too many teachers are being dragged down by this kind of suffering.

So I wonder:

Is there a way to turn having to

teach to the test,

for example, into wanting to teach to the test — by making this a separate learning objective that the entire class takes on with a sense of humor?

Is there a way to turn having to

deal with an obnoxious student

into wanting to deal with an obnoxious student — by discerning what the student believes, fears, hates about themselves and working to transform those internal obstacles into self-knowledge, self-regard, and learning?

Is there a way to turn having to

go back to school yet another day

into wanting to go back to school yet another day — by setting up reliable, healing supports that make you feel understood, cared for, and human every day?

If you’re into having to, keep on keepin’ on. If you’re like me and tend to rebel against having to, what will it take to turn obligation into want? into excitement and eagerness, fun and joy, agency and growth?

Believe me. I’m working on these very questions myself.